I set myself up again.
I’m sooo angry.
The anger twists and turns inside, and consumes me like I was some cheap candle. I’m a worthless piece of meat. I can’t think, I can’t walk, I can even cry. And I don’t dream anymore; as if I’m dead inside. I move around like an empty case.
It feels like I’m running around in circles, and my whole energy is trapped in this whirlwind from hell. I’m stuck. Nothing more I can do! I keep telling myself. Why the fuck am I so damn stubborn? Tried everything. That’s it! Gotta stop at some point, draw a line. Have a backbone!
Admit failure.
Yeah, so I got it wrong: ONCE. My feelings were wrong.
I was wrong
I’ve never been wrong before.
It’s different this time. Nothing to do about it, really. It’s not an exact science. You’d think you’d only get better in time, but … what has time got to do with it, anyway?!?
Feelings get all mixed up. One minute you think you have it all figured out, and the next you’re hanging in mid air, with not a damn thing to support you.
Yeah, so I speak dirty when I’m pissed. It helps to relieve some pressure. so what? Can’t handle it? You think some emotions are not appropriate? Who the fuck taught you that? Your dad…when you fell and hit yourself, and started crying like a baby? Or was it your mum who told ya that ‘big boys are not afraid of the dark’?!?
Guess what? Everyone’s afraid of the dark! … everyone…
Ya know what? Fuck off, all you cowards! Come back when you’re ready to be honest with yourselves.
… and pay some respect to your own feelings!
one more thing: feelings cannot be rhetorical. don't take them for granted!
pic by mondino