When the boys sang “can’t buy me love”, they were probably in denial. Meanwhile, the love-economy flourished. You can’t take a walk or a piss in this town without having some token of *love* stare you in the face. Like we didn’t have enough stress in our lives!
For all you men out-there: bad news! You may go-by a whole year without really having to consider your relationship or the whole soul-mates theory, but this cold, gloomy day of February is all about having-balls. Don’t be a wimp - take a stand! The woman in your life is (anxiously) waiting for you to make some sort of statement.
The good news is, you can say it with a teddy bear, or a box, a balloon, a pillow – as long as it’s red and/or pink and heart-shaped, you can do no wrong.
Don’t worry about The Words: you don’t have to actually say it, you could buy a thing that has it written all over. Same thing. Really.
For those of you who actually believe in honesty – this may not be your favorite time-of-the-year. For the sake of God: don’t! I mean DON’T go for the “I sorta love you” or “I think I love you (I’m not sure)”. “I care about you” is as good as a knife in the back. You may think there’s someone better for you in the future, but this is now. Don’t spoil it! No woman will stick around after she’s learnt that …weelll… she’s not ‘all that special’.
We live and breath for *romance*! This is our holyday.
Fuck honesty! Instead, go for the fluffy puppy or the coffee-cup with kittens on it. We do looove kittens. Again – make sure it’s pink and/or red. And put a ribbon on it! We, women, are hormone-driven creatures, and our brains are all about alpha waves. Ribbons and flowers make us feel all warm and cozy inside. If your religion doesn’t forbid it, you should definitely buy flowers. Nothing says ‘heart’ like a bunch of roses – pink, red, I dunno - be creative!
We know it’s make-belief, but we love it that way. Like when we were kids playing-doctor: don’t worry. It’s not gonna hurt you one bit! You just take your pants off and turn around: this is not really a needle; and I’m not really sticking it into you. I’m just going to pretend to make you feel better! Play along. Hush!
Okay, if you insist, I guess you could take this opportunity to really think about your (love)life. If you honestly think it’s worth the trouble. Ask yourself all those hard questions: what am I doing here? Is this really what I want? Where is this going? Will this be a good-idea twenty years from now? Am I really going to be happy fucking only this woman for the rest of my life? (okay, you can lie a bit here. We all know that’s not a realistic option).
The thing is – you have to consider these questions, because we-women don’t. It’s all about butterflies and rose-petals with us. And, as we all know, those can’t pay rent or buy food. But if you’re not in the mood, I understand. It’s not all that important. You can do it next year, or the next… Meanwhile, don’t forget to buy yourself some more time.
Till next year,
Heart you too!
For all you men out-there: bad news! You may go-by a whole year without really having to consider your relationship or the whole soul-mates theory, but this cold, gloomy day of February is all about having-balls. Don’t be a wimp - take a stand! The woman in your life is (anxiously) waiting for you to make some sort of statement.
The good news is, you can say it with a teddy bear, or a box, a balloon, a pillow – as long as it’s red and/or pink and heart-shaped, you can do no wrong.
Don’t worry about The Words: you don’t have to actually say it, you could buy a thing that has it written all over. Same thing. Really.
For those of you who actually believe in honesty – this may not be your favorite time-of-the-year. For the sake of God: don’t! I mean DON’T go for the “I sorta love you” or “I think I love you (I’m not sure)”. “I care about you” is as good as a knife in the back. You may think there’s someone better for you in the future, but this is now. Don’t spoil it! No woman will stick around after she’s learnt that …weelll… she’s not ‘all that special’.
We live and breath for *romance*! This is our holyday.
Fuck honesty! Instead, go for the fluffy puppy or the coffee-cup with kittens on it. We do looove kittens. Again – make sure it’s pink and/or red. And put a ribbon on it! We, women, are hormone-driven creatures, and our brains are all about alpha waves. Ribbons and flowers make us feel all warm and cozy inside. If your religion doesn’t forbid it, you should definitely buy flowers. Nothing says ‘heart’ like a bunch of roses – pink, red, I dunno - be creative!
We know it’s make-belief, but we love it that way. Like when we were kids playing-doctor: don’t worry. It’s not gonna hurt you one bit! You just take your pants off and turn around: this is not really a needle; and I’m not really sticking it into you. I’m just going to pretend to make you feel better! Play along. Hush!
Okay, if you insist, I guess you could take this opportunity to really think about your (love)life. If you honestly think it’s worth the trouble. Ask yourself all those hard questions: what am I doing here? Is this really what I want? Where is this going? Will this be a good-idea twenty years from now? Am I really going to be happy fucking only this woman for the rest of my life? (okay, you can lie a bit here. We all know that’s not a realistic option).
The thing is – you have to consider these questions, because we-women don’t. It’s all about butterflies and rose-petals with us. And, as we all know, those can’t pay rent or buy food. But if you’re not in the mood, I understand. It’s not all that important. You can do it next year, or the next… Meanwhile, don’t forget to buy yourself some more time.
Till next year,
Heart you too!