“History will be kind to me for I intend to write it” Churchill

"Meciul de astazi dintre Romania si Franta a fost un spectacol total din punct de vedere rugbystic. „Cocosii” si „stejarii” au aratat ce inseamna un meci de rugby disputat la inalt nivel si ne-au facut sa ne dorim mai des astfel de jocuri la noi in tara." http://www.rugby.ro/articol_a.asp?aid=10275

siiigur! daca a fost asa maret, cum de s-a terminat 60-si EI, 14 noi?? cum de ne-au bagat eseu-dupa eseu de nu puteam sa intorc capul sa vad si io langa cine naiba m-am asezat- zbang! alt eseu. ..care naiba striga incontinuu acolo jos '"allez_france!" - zbang, inca unu. cred ca si francezii erau putin uimiti. "am mingea! hai, nu ma opreste nimeni? nu, ba, du-te! lasa ca te prind cand te intorci...ce crezi?! tot p'aici treci, nici o grija!"

un sictir pe ai nostri, ce n-am pomenit. o plictiseala si o economie de energie de-ai jura ca mergeau pe baterii de unica folosinta. ah, da_ va rog. pe aici. nu, nu mergeti p'acolo, ca-i inghesuiala. va fac io loc. ia da-te bah, sa treaca domnu' cu mingea! nu va suparati ca va calc putin pe cap, am crezut ca e colegu'. da cu mingea asta ce-i aicia: e a dvs?

nota pt fete: jucatorii aia chiar sunt impresionant de mari (ok, unii), si trebuie sa fie tare curajosi sa se arunce asa cu capul inainte. live pare mult mai periculos decat la televizor.

terenul e mai mic decat mi-l imaginasem; sunt foarte multi oameni pe teren altii decat jucatorii - tot timpul. asta nu se vede la tv. si sunt multi francezi in bucuresti care stiau de meci. cam atat. ma mai duc! sper sa prind si meciuri serioase.

It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to love

Nothing is for free! And although we may all know that, sometimes we take certain things for granted (i.e. “underestimate the value of”). Many times, we take love for granted.

We expect things to be easy nowadays. No effort required, no adjustments.

Naturally, we make conscious efforts to get a good education, or a good job; we pay the people who entertain, feed or cloth us, but we don't value the people who spend time with us, hold us, kiss us, the people who listen to our confessions, the people who entrust us with their intimate thoughts and dreams, the people who care for our problems and share theirs with us, the ones that are happy for our successes and sad for our setbacks, the ones we can call in the middle of the night crying, or the ones that pick us up when we fall down.

We seem to take for granted the love we receive as if it has no value to us, as if we don’t really want it. Not that much, anyways. Well, don’t we?!?

The strongest people I know (me included) find it very difficult to recognize that they need others in their lives, that their well-being, and happiness depends on this 'service' others provide.

We certainly value what we give to others. Since the ones we love and trust make us vulnerable beyond defendable, we’ve gotten quite skilled at controlling what we give, the ‘amount of’ and ‘timing of’ our giving. We know is a tool we use to manipulate people: 'do this to prove you love me' is actually 'do it or you lose my love.' We can control what we give and that puts as in a position of power.

Reverse the situation, and you find yourself at the other end of the stick. When you need or reject something that is not in your power, you are no longer 'free'. You are a slave, at the merci of your master. You’ve played the game before (you do it all the time), so you know they will play it too: they will use your own feelings and needs against you.

Once you accept, in your heart, that what you receive from people is valuable to you, you are in danger. A baby crying for its mum believes in his tiny heart that it will certainly die without her. It is not in its power to satisfy its needs, so their lives are bound together for better or worse. We’ve all been there before, we all have the experience (and possibly the memory). We know what it feels like to be helpless. And at some point in our lives, we made a decision to never depend on another as long as we live.

We need to acknowledge the effort it takes to be there for another.

We do need to receive love as much as we need to give it. It’s not a power game, it’s human reality, and we can start by setting free the ones we love, because this is in our power. Yes, they might go away, but the ones who stay are there for the long run. And you will be able to trust them with your life.

Stop demanding or expecting things in exchange for your love! They will do it anyway, because they want to. Say “I need this” instead of “I need you to do this”. They will find their own way to love you, as there’s no right or wrong way to do that.

Stating what you need is a position of trust,

stating what you need from someone else is a position of power.

pic by Mondino
watch AXN, Sambata, 23:45, talk radio, r. oliver stone.

"Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings:

always darker, emptier and simpler.” Nietzsche





As I was working on my grad paper (long ago!), I discovered that no amount of scientific research and statistical data can ever fight the so called “common knowledge”, and the prejudices that naturally go along with it.

Further, I was faced with the terrible awareness of the fact that most ‘common knowledge’ is full of crap; that is… ‘normal’ or ‘usual’ behaviors, believes or practices are wrong, off-base or misunderstood.

Well, on short, life was not what I had expected it to be: not fair, not right, not just. And the truth (with its many versions) is often a whore.

Right there and then I realized that I had to make a choice: stick to what I knew to be right and face the loneliness of that course or join the rest of the human race in its quest for sugar and light entertainment.


Being imperfect, I went into denial and refused to make the choice. “There had to be”, I hoped, “a middle way; a trick to save me from actually taking sides”. My darkest fear was, apparently, that the old ways and values I was so keen on were a recipe for loneliness and misery. Even though I was sorta used to stand alone, I wasn’t ready for a whole life like that.

Anyways, time flew by. And things happened that challenged my beliefs and values on a more personal rather than philosophical level. A sad couple of years later, and here I stand (as confused as ever), but with a firmer inner base. Somehow, now I know when I’m right and I know not to give in, or give up just because the people telling me so are 'successful'.

While I don’t agree with the values of this society, I need also to release the fear of not being successful in its terms. And stop questioning myself just because the ‘rest of the world’ says different.

Don’t get me wrong. Rules are there for a good cause. The problem is probably that everyone breaks them now. Everyone takes short-cuts. No one has patience, or inner-discipline, or morals, everyone feels entitled.

Worst part: most people I know, even the socially successful ones, have the moral development of a 4 year old (I do want I want as long as I don’t get caught; if I don’t get punished then it’s ok).

So I’m doing this for myself. I’m doing it to remind myself of what I think it’s right and wrong, of what I think is fair and just, and ‘natural’. In this twisted world, I forget, and I get really confused, and I can’t seem to find any guide lines around me either.

People are in a hurry: even when they know something to be true, they can’t waste the energy and time to point that out. They need to move on, worry about their own lives, and careers. No time for such abstract matters that bring no concrete gains.

I’m doing this so I don’t forget. Right now, all alone in my room, I know whom I love, whom I don’t; I know what I believe in and what is crap. But all your voices creep in inside my head and make such a good impression that… I can’t fight you off with words.

I can’t fight you off with reason. Reason has gotten rotten over the years; its meaning has been long compromised and made to serve the golden gods. But I can use feelings. Funny thing: no one can escape their own feelings, and reason is helpless facing them.

Popular culture has tried to tame feelings, put tags on them, defined and constrained them, hid them behind rules and prejudice. To no avail. They still define our lives – for better or worse.

I found this in a book and it makes perfect sense to me. Forget the thousand of words you know to describe feelings; look inside, take away the glitter and dust of fashion trends, and you’ll find only four basic feelings:

Angry
Sad
Scared
Happy.

Whenever you feel one of the first three, you should know something is wrong. You are being under attack. And then, depending on your whole background, you will either

• fight back (and get angry)
• blame yourself (and become sad)
• or feel helpless (and scared)
  
  
  Are you happy?

pic by Hugh MacLeod

Avoid reality at all costs. (fotografi ro)

radu ponta

alex axon

eugen nedelcu

anca rosca

liana oprea

un concurs cu poze foarte tari aici

ANCA MOANTA absolut geniala

You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep. ~Navajo Proverb

I set myself up again.

I’m sooo angry.
The anger twists and turns inside, and consumes me like I was some cheap candle. I’m a worthless piece of meat. I can’t think, I can’t walk, I can even cry. And I don’t dream anymore; as if I’m dead inside. I move around like an empty case.
It feels like I’m running around in circles, and my whole energy is trapped in this whirlwind from hell. I’m stuck. Nothing more I can do! I keep telling myself. Why the fuck am I so damn stubborn? Tried everything. That’s it! Gotta stop at some point, draw a line. Have a backbone!

Admit failure.
Yeah, so I got it wrong: ONCE. My feelings were wrong.
I was wrong
I’ve never been wrong before.
It’s different this time. Nothing to do about it, really. It’s not an exact science. You’d think you’d only get better in time, but … what has time got to do with it, anyway?!?
Feelings get all mixed up. One minute you think you have it all figured out, and the next you’re hanging in mid air, with not a damn thing to support you.

Yeah, so I speak dirty when I’m pissed. It helps to relieve some pressure. so what? Can’t handle it? You think some emotions are not appropriate? Who the fuck taught you that? Your dad…when you fell and hit yourself, and started crying like a baby? Or was it your mum who told ya that ‘big boys are not afraid of the dark’?!?

Guess what? Everyone’s afraid of the dark! … everyone…

Ya know what? Fuck off, all you cowards! Come back when you’re ready to be honest with yourselves.
… and pay some respect to your own feelings!


one more thing: feelings cannot be rhetorical. don't take them for granted!


pic by mondino

A mind is a terrible thing to waste…

is it?!?

they will forget what you said, they will forget what you did,

... but they will never forget how you made them feel.

Ever had that feeling (of such overwhelming frustration) that whatever you’re saying doesn’t reach others? That your words make absolutely no sense for them?

Did u try harder? Searched for better words, more words, bigger words? Did u lose your temper? Did u try a sideway? A backdoor? A trick?

Did u doubt urself, ur own arguments, reasons, motives? Did u feel stupid? Did u give up? Did u leave? Smack the door on ur way out? Did u say “I respect ur point-of-view, but…”; or maybe “u’re not listening to me!”

Is this a misunderstanding? I don’t think so.

In fact, I find ‘understanding’ to be a smoke screen. Psychologically speaking – a dangerous, devious, defense mechanism. Plainly speaking – a curtain that keeps every one of us away from our true selves and true interactions with other.

Shall I explain? Our minds (thought processes) search for relations between objects. They compare stuff and come up with similarities and differences, they help by finding common grounds and differentiators,

and such we basically invented ‘reason’, or ‘common sense’ and ‘objectivity’. (they don't really exist as outside, objective realities)

Common sense is a nice gadget. I can depend on it whenever I need to make a quick survey in my mind: “what’s the majority going to think about this?”. Of course, as we’ve already established last time, majorities don’t think. They find short-cuts and follow them with the candor of a 2 year old. Not our fault really, we were trained that way. But ONE should always know better, because ONE can think for oneself.

Can we actually trust our minds? I don’t think so. For once, they use a limited set of tools, one that’s basically a deal made with other people: “listen from now on, we’ll call this 'word' so that we’ll both know what we’re talking about. From now on”.

But what each of us actually understands of 'word' is such a different matter, isn’t it? Everything we are gets in the way, and we simply ignore it for the sake of … simplicity? And yet, if you think about it, ur thought processes are not that dependable, are they? How many times have u changed ur mind? How many time have u realized u were wrong or have been proven wrong? How many mistakes have u made? How do you clear confusion, how do u translate jokes and word-games, how do u stop a paradox?

If reason is such a sure thing, how come we have words like that?